Uncertainties

Okey, It's been almost a week since I started here in this new department. All I'm getting bad vibes about memorzing things and all. Next week, we've been asked to memorize 3 pages of materials by heart cause it's important for the customer and oin the floor. I know it's not that bad concerning all this, but what I don't like is the guts to face them again all and fail again. We have all weekend to memorize the materials provided. It's not much, but the willingness is not there. I have no other way but to comply and force this into my brain. I realized later that I knew someone with the same skill as I have in programming with me. I'll probably draw strength from him, since he's into programming like I do, but had no choice is to take this course. Since the other company never ever called anymore. It's more likely I'd be staying here for the next few weeks. I must concentrate, but the willingness is not there as I said before. Can't say I like about it here, It was never my favorite place either, but I must survive for them. Sacrificing it all for them is valiant enough, but I must find the strength to all this. I don't know what to do if I fail here again! It's hard to move on, that's why I've been trying hard not to get too close to my new colleages so if ever I do fail again, they won't have to worry for me or feel bad about me. I'll just carry the burden for myself. Oh the pressure is building as the weeks go by. The uncertainties and doubts are creeping in. I'm hoping to cope in all this! I can tell this to my wife, I might break her spirits. I don't want that again! No. I must do all this! I must find strength! I wish all this can be downloaded! I wish all this can be paused! I wish I can reboot all this, but can't stop it! I must accept it and do it! Face it! While there's still time, I must find inspiration! Either from my family, friends or someone higher! Right now my spritis is at the lowest and I need to recharge to face all trials again! The only way I can do this is find the right outlet! I'm sure I will! I must!